Bend Towards The Light

Finally cleared a space in the corner of my kitchen where two windows split the the light and my tall white IKEA chair fits just perfectly up to my counter space.  The morning was quiet.  My tiniest Trotter was still snoozing.  I honestly decided once my Coach Man and big kids left for school to light every candle I have, turn off all the lights and allow the caress of the billowing thunder clouds keep me still and slow.  Nothing about our life is still or slow.  The decision to make it that way comes from a heart pretty worn out from the running.  As believers, somewhere in the mix of chaos and calendar management our souls reach an undying place of unrelenting mercy begging with roaring whisper to pipe down, sit down and settle down.

So I’ve come back to my sweet space with the Lord.  My writing space.  I’ve seemed to vacate this space as of late. Not completely sure why, but none the less I’ve stepped away from the spot I’ve always seemed to navigate life, articulate heart and knit back together the frayed ends of both with the revelation of Jesus as the letters become words, which bleed into sentences transpiring into thoughts and eventually awakening hope-filled breath.  But for some reason I just have this wrestling with the fiercest temptation of walking away from Grace spaces where I feel the urgency and growth of God’s spirit and instead I obsess over the weighty toil I can see with my eyes.  I detach myself from Spirit-filled nurturing outlets and reach with striving breath towards what Oswald Chambers calls the “worries of this life” over which I never truly seem to be free from the wave of it’s invasion.  

Each Tuesday I have the Divine privilege of teaching a band of the dearest women at my | Yielded | Bible study here in Dallas.  This Tuesday we talked about the two boats in Luke 5 that sat idle, vacant and splashing empty up against a shoreline where fishermen even more empty than a wood splintered hallowed out canoe had toiled all night with no return.  No catch.  No increase.  No multiplication.  Jesus, just beginning His ministry, came up to the rocky shoreline of the Lake of Gennesaret {Sea of Galilee} and caught a good look at those weather worn boats, those empty, tired and toiled fishermen and He saw.  He saw what so often we wonder if He sees.  He saw the cost, the expense, the exhaustion with no return.

He saw and He activated what would be perfectly timed so that not only HE would see, but THEY would see.  HE sees so WE can see.  

“On one occasion, while the crowd was pressing in on him to hear the word of God, he was standing by the lake of Gennesaret, and he saw two boats by the lake, but the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets.” {Luke 5:1-3}

When I made a worn decision to step back into this seemingly “vacant boat” I placed shaky hands and a wordless heart on type keys this morning.  I looked up towards the window in front of me and I just stared at the precious homemade flower pot with the words “Grow with God” colored in by my daughter.  Simple ivy seeds were planted and they by no measure of consistent nurturing, belief or encouragement on our part have the audacity to keep growing and keep bending towards the Light.  To the hope of our potted plant life with all their guts these small ivy seeds indeed keep growing.  Bent with every ounce of their energy they are reaching towards the light.  Nearly touching the window on this cloudy Dallas day they are begging to see the Light.  Undeterred by the odds stacked against their toil to grow they keep believing if they can just naively reach towards their source of growth they will indeed grow, multiply, catch Light, increase, and be satisfied.

 

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“Getting into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, he asked him to put out a little from the land. And he sat down and taught the people from the boat. And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” And Simon answered, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.” And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink.” {Luke 5:3-6}

When Jesus got into Simon Peter’s weary boat he dared him to push out farther than his own flesh was willing to go. He was asking Simon Peter to trust what only He could see. In that hour of fatigue Jesus was petitioning Simon Peter, just as He is petitioning us this very day, to bend with exhausted energy towards the mere reassurance “at His Word” to go a bit further.  If he went just beyond his human willingness Jesus would unlock his sight to see and then receive so many blessings it would threaten to sink the space Simon Peter had deemed vacant and worth abandoning.  

There is a “vacant boat” this day that Jesus is standing on the rocky shoreline of your heart and life and His eyes are fixated on renewing your eye sight, motivating your faith to climb in one more time and stir your willingness to push out deeper than you’re willing to go.

So we write, dream, go, reach, try again, fail, get up, stay persistent, drag off cleaned off put up nets and toss them in vacant boats and we push out further than we were originally willing to go and we dare to see what our Lord sees……and we let Him blow our minds with blessing, wisdom, insight, deeper fellowship, crazy close intimacy, healing for our frayed out ends and toiled spirits…..and as we push out to the deep there is healing in those waters. With “no words I could possibly muster up to write” I’ve somehow found over 1000 words to weave together this morning by the Grace of God unrelenting obsession to resurrect what I keep putting in the grave.  Jesus is all about a season of Resurrection.

Bend towards the Light.  Put out a little Deeper into the water.  Let God show you were He wants you to go and by faith “at His Word” obey.  There is a net full of fish to catch, dear hearts.  And with a holy imagination I giggle {and weep} thinking of Jesus’ broad smile, sat back in the boats we nearly vacate and laughing over how good it feels to bless us with Real Sight and too many “fish” to pull in on our own.  You can trust Him at His Word

“And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.” {Luke 5:11}

 

 

Comments

  1. Kristen Shepard says:

    Cari, at String of Pearls on Mt. Sequoyah in February, God spoke through you to ask me “Am I not enough?” He’s continuing to ask me that question… through BSF leaders’ retreat in Dallas a few weekends ago… and I have been asking Him to show me HOW do I do it Lord? How do I show You that You ARE enough? And He is beginning to show me… and draw me… and I’m beginning to lean into the Light… more every moment.
    Thank you for sharing Jesus with us in your writing! And through your beautiful soul…
    Much Love!

    • cari_trotter says:

      Kristen! Oh, HE is so profoundly enough in and through you! What a boost of spiritual energy your comment and heart is to my heart! Yes. Keep going! Keep asking. Keep discovering. God has got you and He is stirring and setting His wisdom over you. Keep leaning in and going out just further than you think you can….watch Him increase your “territory” and fill your heart and ministry to overflowing. What a gift and honor it is to serve you.

  2. Love.
    So blessed by your decision to put hands to the keyboard again. And I hope it will be again and again…
    Thank you for the encouragement to continue pushing my vacant boat, however tentatively, toward deeper waters, eyes ever on my Navigator.
    Can’t wait to lay eyes on the catch! xoxo

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