Confidence

There are days you just need to give yourself a good ole’ talkin’ to…remind yourself Who has your confidence.  Let me just take this entire blog post telling you about my little come to Jesus meeting this morning.  My “Come on, Cari! Who has your confidence?!  Who has your life secured in the palm of His Mighty and Able Hand!” table talk with Jesus....You know what I mean?!  I’m saying there are some days I start out feeling so dang sorry for myself I’m good for nothing.  I’m no good for my family, for my household, for my ministry……I’m talking ‘bout being thick in the middle of having a hangover from my own pity party.  It’s awful….and I’m sure I’m the only one on the whole stinking globe that ever suffers from such horrific sin {ha-ha- wink wink}.Peeps…..Jesus grabbed ahold of my heart so deep this morning.  Oh, it was such a fresh feeling of anointing I wish you all had been sitting at my kitchen table with me!  It was just as real as I can explain to any one soul.  Jesus met me at my pity party this morning.There are a couple of doors that the Lord has just shut down.  Good things, but none the less He has decided to shut them down.  Any honest saint worth her salt will tell you that a good thing doesn’t necessarily mean a God thing….knowing the difference and being brave enough to be obedient to it is beyond crucial, Kingdom purposes are at hand and just running around like a chicken with our heads cut off busy as a can be with armfuls of busy and not a dang bit of it having to do with sharing Jesus is something we better get better at discerning or we are going to continue to be plum worn out!....{total soap box right there…thanks for indulging me and my passionate run on sentence.}In our humanness when good stuff/good intentions/good ideas/good events shut down it hurts…bad.  Makes it hard to trust things, to trust that people are going to do what they say they are going to do…..and the worst is that it makes you back up from trusting God.  Now, if that makes you shutter that I have a hard time leaning in and trusting God then you should run for the hills ‘cause this faith thing is real as all get out with me.  It’s gritty, it’s not easy for one moment…ever, and it sometimes feels like the loneliest road you would never want to ever find.  For real.And yet, this morning sitting at my kitchen table just mad and looking to get to work on the million things I didn’t want to do I opened Facebook {like any good procrastinator I opened social media outlets – come on I’m not the only one}.  Just a free bit of advice, but if you have asked with a willing heart for Jesus to come close…..He will not forsake you, you need only listen.  Even if you are not being fully obedient, if you are willing to turn your heart towards Him, He will speak.  Spoke to me as soon as I popped open that Facebook page.First post was from someone I don’t even know and have since looked to see if we are friends and we are not, however by a Divine act of attention getting it posted plan as day on my home news feed - Beth Moore video teaching blurb from Life Today.  Anyone that has been around me for 20 seconds and heard my story of answering God’s call on my life knows it involves the far away discipleship of Beth Moore. And as soon as I hit play on that video I knew what story she was going to tell.I fell to my knees right beside my kitchen table {with my son, Cade’s, beats on my ears…like any good momma I sneak in at night and ‘borrow’ them from him} and as she was beginning to tell the story I cried out to Jesus…”Oh Lord, could this be “THE STORY” of my heart.  The one that you used to pull me out of myself and into a life of service to you?  Could this be the story that reached into my soul and commanded me to become a bond servant of the Living God?  Could this be the story about her brushing that man’s hair in the airport and that if we live to full brim with Jesus we could be just flat out dangerously influential!?  Is this it?!”Jesus tenderly replied, “Yes, Cari, it is.  I knew you needed to see it.  You've forgotten.  You needed to remember Who is the holder of your dreams.  They are My dreams, Cari.  Don’t stop stepping in them.”I watched.  I bawled.  I remembered.November 14, 2001 College Bible study and watching Beth Moore tell this exact story and God changing my life forever.  I drove in my black Altima from Bible study to Overflow worship service at University Heights Baptist Church on the Oklahoma State Campus…I can almost remember how the air smelled that night – fresh, crisp, renewing.  I got out of my car and was late to something I was never late to…worship.  Not only was I late I was alone.  Neither of which ever happened….and yet Jesus wanted me alone that night.  It was in the quiet worship of my soul as I stood on the side of the auditorium leaned up against that wood paneling Jesus overwhelmed my soul and called me out.  I bawled like a baby.  Left that worship night alone and drove to IHOP and sat in a corner with old school foam headphones and a portable CD player {I realize I might have just lost an entire generation and their will to read on} and a notepad.  And I wrote…..and wrote…….and wrote.  I wrote until 4 am, then like any good girlfriend I called Toby in the wee hours of the morning and in the Kappa Delta sorority house in the upstairs phone nook I called out my passion to reach an entire generation of women with the gospel of Christ.He has and will be faithful to produce the fruit from the Tree that He planted in my heart so many years ago.  He will be faithful to produce the fruit to the Tree He has planted in YOUR heart.  Don’t lose your confidence over a pity party…even if you feel justified {believe me I know what you mean and how you feel, I do.}.  But those ‘things’ that tempt you to doubt what GOD ALONE told you don’t deserve your confidence and they can’t have it.Because YOUR confidence is Christ in you.  Your confidence is Christ Himself….HE is the guarantee.After Jesus and I had that little chat I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and decided to go on.  To go on. To Hope on.To go on to enjoy lunch out with my darling grace gifts, my girls.To go on to enjoy Chili’s southwest eggrolls {order some right now.}To go on to enjoy memorizing scripture and sharpening my Sword! {I am going to start sharing my scripture cards with you here starting manana – yay!}My mom gave me two rocks that are with me at all times.  One is my angel rock and one has Jeremiah 17:7 etched on it…pulled them both out today.Who has your confidence?  What are you putting your confidence in?Beloved daughter of God I beg you, shake the dust from your pity party and put your confidence in the Word Jesus has spoken over you.  He will remain faithful.“Blessed is he {she} who trusts in the Lord….whose confidence is in Him.” Jeremiah 17:7