Butterflies Fluttering Wildly
Happy Wednesday, beautiful-s! Been a fast couple of weeks for me around here so I haven’t been afforded the time to post as consistently….however, my thoughts have been with you so many times! Prayerful that the Lord has and is revealing all the ways He is faithfully sowing seeds of affirmation to His Great Love for you. I also hope you have checked out both Scripture Day blog posts and found a couple of verses that you’ve been able to hold on to for Might as you live through your days. Beyond all sense of reason and fairness, I am held captive to how deeply Jesus loves me – truly, all is Grace.I woke up this morning with ginormous butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach. Tomorrow I head to Falls Creek, a well-known camp here in Oklahoma, for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma Ladies Retreat. This will be my second year as a break out session speaker and I couldn’t be more honored {and massively humbled} to join the incredible group of women that make up the collective break out session speakers. We will be joined by Lisa Harper, Angie Smith and led in worship by Jeff and Jourdan Johnson. It will be an absolutely incredible weekend of showcasing the beloved Truth that God’s Love Never Let’s Go of Us…Back to my butterflies….Before every opportunity to speak or teach God’s Word be it to a small gathering of Bible study girls or on a larger scale of 100+ women at each of the three breakout sessions, my heart churns within me. It’s like the nerves you experience before a big game or an intense tryout. It’s the overwhelming recognition that you might have “practiced up” but the bottom line is that game time depends on a Greater Force seeing you through. I have asked that the Lord take away my nerves, my fear, my butterflies that flutter so much they make me nearly vomit before teaching……but they stay….until the first word is uttered. And I’m grateful….I know, that sounds so deranged…But I’m genuinely grateful for the nerves, the butterflies, the intense feeling of an opportunity being so much larger than anything I could possibly prepare for……I embrace being “under the burden” as Beth Moore says. I get weird, days up to minutes before teaching it is hard for me to operate normally with people, I get extremely introverted, I become overly sensitive, I’m lost in thought….and I experience the weight of the Word God desires to deliver through me at a much higher intensity level than anything I actually teach. It hits me harder so that it can be taught with greater Grace. Today, I feel that weight and I am praising the Lord for it.I’ve been walking to the well in John 4 these past several months and this weekend I plan on taking others with me. That makes my heart nearly explode because I know Who is waiting on us….…..Jesus is waiting on us.Today, when I type that I actually say it out loud in a whisper like my two year old daughter does when it’s quiet and still. She has just started to do this and we love it. Life gets quiet, she gets still, and all at once she will look around like she is discovering something so profound and whisper, “Jesus.” I have no idea what started it, but I’m grateful she does it. It has become my prayer for all those that I am blessed to serve; that we would pull up to the table and receive God’s Word and simply whisper, “Jesus.” Because He is here, He is real, and He is making all things New.So to you who have plans to come to the BGCO Ladies Retreat and visit one of my sessions or you are simply a woman that stumbled on to this random site and read a few of this random lady’s thoughts…I love you. I am praying for you today and I am beneath the beautiful yoke of God’s heart for you. I think knowing that someone’s life could be changed forever, someone could be set free from a life long struggle, someone could come into the saving Grace of Jesus for the first time, or someone could just get the refreshing drink of Water they have so desperately needed is what overwhelms my heart with a Good Theme. I am reminded of one of my favorite moments last year at the BGCO Ladies Retreat during one of my sessions when we had come to a very tender place in the teaching and Jesus was doing precious ministry in hearts and as the Word was being read a woman in the room just raised her hands with eyes closed in worship to Jesus. I wanted to stop teaching and sit where she was because she was doing exactly what my desire is for each woman…they stop listening to me and fall into the loving Voice of Jesus.Praying for you all so deeply today. I can’t wait to see you. I love you!Precious Lord, take us through the deep waters – heal us from the inside out, may we find you at the well waiting for US dear Jesus…intentionally, specifically, with healing in your wings, with freedom in your Voice, with rest and spiritual satisfaction for our souls. May we lay down the burdens we bare so deeply, the wounds we bandage so meticulously, the hurts that keep us held back from full throttle love. May we find your freedom. And may we feel the expression of your Love that never lets us go. Amen.
